First of all, there is nothing in the world like the HBCU experience. If you haven’t experienced it first-hand, do you really exist?

The HBCU experience consists of long lines in financial aid, trying to make it to the cafe before it closes, counting down the minutes before you bounce when your Instructor is late, waiting for checks to clear on days of away games so you and your teammates will have meal money. It includes lifelong friendships, deep understanding of black pride, black beauty, black excellence, empowerment and Homecomings that are made for Beyoncé documentaries.

Speaking of Beyoncé, her Netflix documentary “Homecoming”, an ode to HBCUs, that debuted this week was absolutely mind-blowing.

The elephant in the room, that was overlooked in all the hype about HBCUs is the possibility that hookups occur at homecoming with people you otherwise had long forgotten about. Homecoming is a chance to flirt a little with an old crush, reignite flames with college beaus, and shoot your shot with others you had absolutely zero chance with 20 years ago.

Homecomings have destroyed some marriages, made some babies, created amazing love stories, and yes, they have caused some fights of grown ass men and women, fighting over some box shaped classmate who thought they were just having fun during Homecoming weekend.

Then, there’s always that one guy on campus that comes back every Homecoming to see how many women he can score and manipulate along the way. The one that has already noticed your weaknesses on social media, has cyber flirted leading up to Homecoming and waits for the right opportunity to make his move. He makes sure his social media image is one that shows him as an amazing catch. He shows you what he wants you to see and doesn’t want you asking too many questions.

You find out that this weak man has plotted on countless classmates over the years while sharing the same sad story over and over about how he’s raising his kids or how he left his wife or, how he makes a lot of money and just wants to be happy. He tells you (and everyone else) the stories of how his service after college led him to the life he has now and he paints himself as the ideal man, worthy of representing at the University’s Male Summit. By now, you realize that you aren’t the only one he’s been exploiting.

But wait, this isn’t exclusive to the trifling men who take advantage of women during Homecoming. Women, we need to have more self respect and understanding of our own worth to not allow ourselves to be played. We have the power to control the situation and decide if we want to toy with his head during Homecoming, have our own fun, or find ourselves being fooled as if we were 18year old freshmen all over again.

Homecoming has changed many lives, for good and bad. When it comes to relationships and hookups, adults have to make adult decisions and decide what toxicity you want to let into your life. Homecoming should be celebrated for the beautiful blackness that it is.  There’s nothing beautiful about drama, mental stress, or headaches that come from a broken man/woman preying on other broken beings.

We may never outgrow HBCU Homecoming shenanigans but we can control our peace once Homecoming is over. Leave the Community Property at graduation. It was never intended to show up post college life.


FYI, This isn’t my experience (😉), as I’ve never hooked up with anyone at Homecoming (I don’t usually attend) but the realities exist. Somewhere, there’s a predator, preying on multiple 40 year old women, who has zero intention of ever being serious or respectful. Leave them where they are. You deserve better.

However, knowing me, if anything (or anyone) in this piece sounds familiar, send me a message and perhaps I can help you connect the dots. ✌🏽