Last week was incredibly stressful.
I have previously taken breaks from Facebook when I felt it had become too much. I’ve blogged about it in the past. (You should read that article) Therefore, I have no problem backing away to give my mind a break.
Last week was different. On top of family drama, a health scare, and fending off people defending R Kelly, I was literally self exploding. The thought of people defending R Kelly not only angered me but, as someone who knows firsthand what it’s like to be abused and act out because of that abuse, I took it upon myself to argue over and over again with anyone who was willing to overlook pedophilia because his music was so good. You know, his music where he sings about sexual acts with little girls.
This time I wasn’t willing to back away on my own. Perhaps it was fate but, after a random thread going back and forth with someone defending that damn racist wall your President wants to build, Facebook decided to silence me.
So, while on Facebook suspension, I was able to check a few things off my life list that I otherwise wouldn’t have stopped scrolling Facebook to do. Here’s what I did the last few days:
- Finished my Vision Board for 2019. I always do a Vision Board but this one was a little more difficult. The older I get, I have to focus on the realistic NOW and not the dreams I used to fantasize about. I wanted to make sure I had strategies to go with my visions, otherwise they would all just be another year of wishes.
- Went to the grocery store and got actual groceries instead of getting dinner from the salad or hot bar. With those groceries, I cooked breakfast, made salmon cakes and made a homemade beef vegetable soup that was absolutely amaze-balls!
- Ordered checks, a new bank card, and canceled my large automatic payments so that I can monitor my money better in 2019. 2019 won’t see me struggling.
- Broke my “No hard liquor until January 18” rule. I was trying not to drink any alcohol besides red wine until my vacation that weekend. Unfortunately, my anxiety is much calmer when I’m “medicated” so I needed liquor to open up in a setting around others I wasn’t familiar with. People think I’m outgoing but truthfully, I have anxiety that sometimes alters my personality. So, I popped bottles!
- Learned how to play Spades. So what I’m black. So what I went to an HBCU. Fact is, I’ve never wanted to learn to play, nor do I have the attention span necessary to be a good partner. Anyway, at a house party, my guy and his friends decided it was finally time I learned how to play. I came, I played, I lost focus. Before I knew it, I was doing what I always did before: made sure other’s glasses stayed full.
- Watched a cultural classic and came closer to keeping my fictional “Black card.” I watched “Menace II Society” which I had never seen before. I remember refusing to watch it because I didn’t want to see the violence or hear the cursing. Truth is, this movie is somebody’s reality in urban cities all over this country and it was frustrating as hell to watch.
In the days I was in Facebook jail (they told me 3 days but gave me 7), I got a lot of things accomplished. However, I felt disconnected and suppressed. The story of why I was ultimately blocked is riddled in white tears. It’s amazing what is accepted and what isn’t on a platform that’s run by white, male millennials with power to silence the voices they are in fear of. I did my time and I’m thankful to be free again. Free to be loud, informative, and annoying. Free to be ME! Take it or delete it.